You Can't Argue With Facts

Bill Cowher is an empirical good. He never does anything wrong and everyone loves him. He doesn't make mistakes; he shows us alternate realities. His logic is infallible. He can move giant boulders with his mind and bend the very weather to his will. He helps old ladies and little children cross the street. He always smells like peppermint, he is an accomplished chef, and he never gets gas. In his spare time, he builds shelters for homeless puppies and sings baritone in the choir.