Grump
Just because it's how I'm feeling today, here are ten things that piss me off. They are in no particular order. NH, I'm borrowing your format. Please forgive.
1. People who do things in a half-assed manner. If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right.
2. Iceberg lettuce: A nutritional and taste wasteland. When a restaurant puts this garbage in my salad, my first instinct is to freak out completely, and throw the salad all over the place. Then I regain control and just eat it, like a good girl.
3. Unsolicited advice and/or suggestions on how to improve my life. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
4. Committed pessimists. Stay the hell away from me. I'm actually trying here.
5. Scatological humor of ANY kind. Grow the hell up. The only exceptions to this rule are as follows: A) Using the word piss in the phrase pissed off. All other uses of the word should be banned, because YUCK. B) Using the word shit when referring to something that is subpar. e.g. My car is a piece of shit. C) Bullshit is always welcome, because it's a funny word, and was actually one of my first words. (Thanks, Dad.) Other than that, I am totally disgusted by scatological humor and wording.
6. People who tailor their tastes and likes to the group around them. I can actually smell the pathetic on these people. And it smells real bad.
7. Puffy jagoffs who are too fucking important to be nice to their waitress or any other poor sap toiling away in a service job. Karma, baby! I hope YOU are slicing meat behind a deli counter some day.
8. Places that sell iced tea, but don't have any fresh lemon. Or, even worse, places that purport to sell iced tea, when it is, in actuality, instant tea. What coffee drinker would put up with this?
9. People who flash their money around so everyone knows they have it (which usually means they are swimming in debt) or people who play poor (which usually means they have money but don't want you to know it). Either way, it's sickeningly obvious.
10. Filthy public restrooms. These piss me off, but I am assured by my b&c that women's rooms are far less disgusting than men's rooms. He can trump my most disturbing stories of restroom filth by a long shot, every time. Apparently, I can never win this competition, EVER, because of one particularly repulsive incident in the men's room at the Star Lake Amphitheatre. He won't even tell me the details.
Runner-up: People who read my blog but never leave me little notes. You know who you are, you, you, blogreading non-note leaving wimp! Why, I oughta.... Just kidding, SuperJeans, you can read all you want. And I think SuperJeans is your perfect secret name. HA HA HA HA
1. People who do things in a half-assed manner. If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right.
2. Iceberg lettuce: A nutritional and taste wasteland. When a restaurant puts this garbage in my salad, my first instinct is to freak out completely, and throw the salad all over the place. Then I regain control and just eat it, like a good girl.
3. Unsolicited advice and/or suggestions on how to improve my life. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
4. Committed pessimists. Stay the hell away from me. I'm actually trying here.
5. Scatological humor of ANY kind. Grow the hell up. The only exceptions to this rule are as follows: A) Using the word piss in the phrase pissed off. All other uses of the word should be banned, because YUCK. B) Using the word shit when referring to something that is subpar. e.g. My car is a piece of shit. C) Bullshit is always welcome, because it's a funny word, and was actually one of my first words. (Thanks, Dad.) Other than that, I am totally disgusted by scatological humor and wording.
6. People who tailor their tastes and likes to the group around them. I can actually smell the pathetic on these people. And it smells real bad.
7. Puffy jagoffs who are too fucking important to be nice to their waitress or any other poor sap toiling away in a service job. Karma, baby! I hope YOU are slicing meat behind a deli counter some day.
8. Places that sell iced tea, but don't have any fresh lemon. Or, even worse, places that purport to sell iced tea, when it is, in actuality, instant tea. What coffee drinker would put up with this?
9. People who flash their money around so everyone knows they have it (which usually means they are swimming in debt) or people who play poor (which usually means they have money but don't want you to know it). Either way, it's sickeningly obvious.
10. Filthy public restrooms. These piss me off, but I am assured by my b&c that women's rooms are far less disgusting than men's rooms. He can trump my most disturbing stories of restroom filth by a long shot, every time. Apparently, I can never win this competition, EVER, because of one particularly repulsive incident in the men's room at the Star Lake Amphitheatre. He won't even tell me the details.
Runner-up: People who read my blog but never leave me little notes. You know who you are, you, you, blogreading non-note leaving wimp! Why, I oughta.... Just kidding, SuperJeans, you can read all you want. And I think SuperJeans is your perfect secret name. HA HA HA HA
posted by Kristine at 1:24 PM
10 Comments:
Super Jeans says, you absolutely crack me up!! BUT, its like reading the paper, you usually read for information and a quick laugh and occasionally something iritates you and you want to write to the them, you have yet to irritate me!!! Until you squeeked on the SUPER JEANS. Now I must cloud up and rain on you....
You're singing my tune on number 10, sister! Even worse are those places that give you the little packets of fake lemon juice when you ask for lemon. Yech, is there anything more vile?! (Aside from what goes on in men's bathrooms. I'm so glad I'm a girl.)
Ack, I mean #8! Oh no, I wrote my comment in a half-assed manner. It was just a slip up. I fat-fingered it, honest!
YAY! SuperJeans is gonna rain on me!
Kelly, as an iced tea drinker, you must then sahre my feelings about the south. When I cross the Mason-Dixon line and hear, for the first time in months, "sweetened or unsweetened," I actually feel like I might cry a little. They are the most beautiful words spoken with southern accent. As soon as you hear them, you know you're in for good, real, freshly-brewed tea. My answer to the question "Sweetened or Unsweetened?" is usually, "I don't care. I love you."
I was fully 45 years old before I found out that iceberg lettuce is nutritionally zero. Luckily I was at least that old before I found out that eating chocolate isn't mandated by the Constitution. It's fun to be grumpy, don't you think?
P.S. IMDB is the best site in the world next to Television Without Pity. Read the scathers on Smallville or Six Feet Under; you'll fall off your computer chair.
Iceberg lettuce may be a waste, but it's got, like, a radioactive halflife in the frig. I personally prefer the bags of pre-mixed baby greens, romaine/radichio, or spinach. But as soon as you open the bag, you've got about 24 hours to finish them off before necrosis sets in.
I'm with you on the Iced Tea and Lemon issue, too. And the packets of lemon juice? You might as well piss in my glass. Ooops! Broke the scat rule, didn't I?
P.S. thanks for your comment today---I never miss reading your blog---such an awful word; here is a website I thought you might like
http://www.billhicks.com/users/wildlife/orders.html
Kristine:
Oh yes, definitely. I was going to put something about glorious southern iced tea in my original comment but didn't have the time. And I've never been anywhere down south where they don't have lemon, or have those packets of fake lemon juice. Even at Hardee's, fresh sliced lemons are always at the ready.
Have you ever been out to the West Coast? When you order iced tea there, they bring you this passion fruit (or some tropical flavor like that) iced tea. It's fresh-brewed and very good. But when I asked for regular iced tea, they looked at me like I was growing a second head! I tried at about 3 restaurants before giving up and just drinking the passion fruit concoction.
Had to respond to this one, both in how I agree and disagree on some.
First off, no worries on borrowing the format. I hardly have a monopoly on the "10 point list". ;)
On to the items...
1) This is something I am occasionally guilty of. If it is something I am being paid to do or something I need to do, I do it to the best of my abilities. If it is something that someone else gave me to do, hey, I have my own list of things to do. If it is so important to have it done right, do it yourself. In giving the job to me, you are deferring to my level of standards.
2) Usually for me, a salad is a way to fill my stomach so I don't eat as much of the higher calorie food. For this purpose, iceburg lettuce is the way to go, which is why it is my lettuce of choice. If the salad is the main course, I prepare with a minimum of four types of leaves, and iceburg isn't one of them. I expect no less when dining out. One thing I hate though is getting a bowl of iceburg cores that is supposed to pass as salad.
3) This is one I hate too. And I am probably guilty of it. If so, please point it out so I can ask your forgiveness and inflict the appropriate self-punishment. But what is it about people who have a need to do this? If my very being bothers you that much, go hide in a bunker. To paraphrase Ayn Rand, don't give unsolicited advice, thereby sparing yourself of knowing how little others really think of you.
4) I learned to stop being like this a long time ago. People would much rather be around someone who encourages them.
5) Poop... Hee hee hee... *snicker* Sorry, couldn't resist.
6) If done so as a means to keep an open mind as far as trying new things, I think this is fine. But to do so as a means to being liked, I agree... bad craziness.
7) This one irks me too. Bad craziness to be rude to someone who has the power to give you a "sneezer". However, even though I have karma to burn, I will only give people in a service positions a hard time when they act like it is the ultimate burden to do their jobs, although it will usually be in the form of a low tip. Nothing pisses me off more than a waiter / waitress who takes my order with an attitude that I am bothering him / her, brings the food, then I don't see them again until they bring the check. Under these circumstances, while still being civil, I will usually stiff them on the tip. Say it with money, not attitude.
Runner up: Had an add on to this one... people who leave scathing criticisms in comments anonymously. Have a backbone! Leave your blog address so I can return the favor! Don't make me track you down via my handy dandy blog counter tool.
Excellent list. Please forgive the long comment. ;)
re: iceberg lettuce. I agree. blahblahbland.
re: scatalogical terminology, I add that "I'm pissed" should stand not only for being mad, but for being mad drunk as well. It's the anglophile in me.
great list. I heartily concur today.
Alicia
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