If I...
If I ever have a band
it will be called one of these two things: Six Ways From Sunday or Sleeping Dogs Lie
I will write overly-literal songs about how Winona Ryder kisses all of my boyfriends, and how I don't like meat. Because eating it kills animals, and also, it smells really icky while it cooks. Will you come to my gigs?
Note: if you steal my band names, I will find you and smack you silly. I will actually do much worse. It took me a LONG time to think of and decide uopn those.
If I ever have my own winery
which is unlikely in the oppressive Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, I will call my wine: Miss Maddie's Merry Wine
If I were a pirate
(or, the more likely privateer), my nickname would be "The Black Widow".
If I were a famous journalist
I would refuse to EVER report stories about Hollywood celebrities. But if Emma Thompson had a hangnail, I would break into your regularly scheduled programming. Because she is better than everybody. Despite naming her daughter "Gaia". OY.
If I ever became really, really rich
I would never be mean to poor people, like I am now.
it will be called one of these two things: Six Ways From Sunday or Sleeping Dogs Lie
I will write overly-literal songs about how Winona Ryder kisses all of my boyfriends, and how I don't like meat. Because eating it kills animals, and also, it smells really icky while it cooks. Will you come to my gigs?
Note: if you steal my band names, I will find you and smack you silly. I will actually do much worse. It took me a LONG time to think of and decide uopn those.
If I ever have my own winery
which is unlikely in the oppressive Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, I will call my wine: Miss Maddie's Merry Wine
If I were a pirate
(or, the more likely privateer), my nickname would be "The Black Widow".
If I were a famous journalist
I would refuse to EVER report stories about Hollywood celebrities. But if Emma Thompson had a hangnail, I would break into your regularly scheduled programming. Because she is better than everybody. Despite naming her daughter "Gaia". OY.
If I ever became really, really rich
I would never be mean to poor people, like I am now.
posted by Kristine at 1:11 AM
5 Comments:
Worth every moment I waited. If I ever had a band again, I'd name it Flying Piglet of Desire; my winery, Wonderful Stuff I Can't Have or the Arrogant Frog (and I know, it's alresady taken, but it's too good not to put here) I'm already nice to poor people, having much experience with kids of the McGeneration, but maybe I'd hire someone to be nice to dogs in my stead
Will you come to my gigs?
What kind of music will you be playing? I'm hoping for metal. There just aren't enough metal songs about Winona Rider and stinky meat.
if Emma Thompson had a hangnail, I would break into your regularly scheduled programming.
Rather than "hang nail," wouldn't the proper term be "busted hoof?"
How do you even pronounce Gaia? When I try to say it, I make a sound that sounds like I'm choking on beer.
If I ever became really, really rich I would never be mean to poor people, like I am now.
Why are you mean to them now?
Yowza. Totally kidding on the "mean to poor people" part. Maybe that's a joke that only works in the hearing. LOL
Disarming honesty is always funny but rarely so charming as you make it. Cannot wait to hear the sound of Sleeping Dogs Lie.
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http://exportersinfo.com
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