If I Had a Hammer
Kelly, you've twisted my arm. I'll do it.
If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an inn-keeper...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a llama rider...
If I could be a bonnie pirate...
If I could be an astronaut...
If I could be a world famous blogger...
If I could be a justice on any one court in the world...
If I could be married to any current famous political figure...
If I could be a dog trainer...
If I could be an inkeeper, I'd live somewhere gorgeous and romantic, like the Irish coast. I'd cook big, fluffy pancakes for my guests every morning and I would always find room for weary travellers on donkeyback.
If I could be an athlete, I'd win the gold in downhill skiing, then turn around and win one for the 400m medley swim two years later. I'd be tan and have big white teeth. I'd tell kids to stay off drugs, do commercials for healthy food, and look really hot.
If I could be a musician, I'd find a way to blend Slovenian Button Box music with Crowded House-type music. I would be later known as "The Queen of Alpine Folk Rock". I would also play first chair cello in the Pittsburgh Symphony, and make myself cry at every minor chord.
If I could be an astronaut, I would totally freak out when I could see the entire planet Earth for the first time. I would be very vigilant in looking for alien craft, and I would suck floating pudding out of the air. I'll bet that would never get old.
If I could be a bonnie pirate, I would attack French ships and take all of their wine. I would be a veritable fountain of one-liners to be used during swordplay. I would try to merely incapacitate, but never kill the folks I'm pillaging. That way I'd gain my reputation as a vicious but non-murderous pirate with witty comebacks and shiny hair. I would be feared. At night, I would celebrate the day's conquests with my crew by swinging merrily from the yardarm, drinking stolen Bordeaux from a pewter mug, and singing bawdy shanties. I would have an anachronistic devotion to personal hygiene, and demand the same from my hot pirate boyfriend. I would be happy as a clam.
If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an inn-keeper...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a llama rider...
If I could be a bonnie pirate...
If I could be an astronaut...
If I could be a world famous blogger...
If I could be a justice on any one court in the world...
If I could be married to any current famous political figure...
If I could be a dog trainer...
If I could be an inkeeper, I'd live somewhere gorgeous and romantic, like the Irish coast. I'd cook big, fluffy pancakes for my guests every morning and I would always find room for weary travellers on donkeyback.
If I could be an athlete, I'd win the gold in downhill skiing, then turn around and win one for the 400m medley swim two years later. I'd be tan and have big white teeth. I'd tell kids to stay off drugs, do commercials for healthy food, and look really hot.
If I could be a musician, I'd find a way to blend Slovenian Button Box music with Crowded House-type music. I would be later known as "The Queen of Alpine Folk Rock". I would also play first chair cello in the Pittsburgh Symphony, and make myself cry at every minor chord.
If I could be an astronaut, I would totally freak out when I could see the entire planet Earth for the first time. I would be very vigilant in looking for alien craft, and I would suck floating pudding out of the air. I'll bet that would never get old.
If I could be a bonnie pirate, I would attack French ships and take all of their wine. I would be a veritable fountain of one-liners to be used during swordplay. I would try to merely incapacitate, but never kill the folks I'm pillaging. That way I'd gain my reputation as a vicious but non-murderous pirate with witty comebacks and shiny hair. I would be feared. At night, I would celebrate the day's conquests with my crew by swinging merrily from the yardarm, drinking stolen Bordeaux from a pewter mug, and singing bawdy shanties. I would have an anachronistic devotion to personal hygiene, and demand the same from my hot pirate boyfriend. I would be happy as a clam.
posted by Kristine at 12:31 AM
4 Comments:
you rock so hard! I laugh so hard! the world is almost perfect, but it's only 7:30....
p.s. We both chose "if I could be a bonnie pirate"...yours has more verve, mine has more implied sex. Go figure.
Thanks, Lorna. I've had a thing about pirates pretty much forever, so I've had plenty of time to think about it. How is it I never saw yours? I read your blog almost daily. What sucks is I was gonna tag you!!!
Kristine: That is an incredible list. Under all the stresses of starting a business and you can still do a hugely creative list. That's so awesome.
The astronaut and pirate ones are so good they should be outlawed or at least heavily regulated.
I'm so glad I twisted your arm!
Post a Comment
<< Home