All Very Vexing
Once again, I am borrowing NH's format such that I may efficiently list ten things that are vexing me today, without the need for pesky segues.
1. The Pittsburgh area is currently expecting 3-7 inches of snow to accumulate this evening, and the local news stations are acting as though we are about to endure something apocalyptic. Need I remind you people that this is Pittsburgh, and this is winter, and this is what we DO in Pittsburgh during the winter? We're used to this! Come on! Grow a pair! Furthermore, I fully expect to encounter massive lines at the local Giant Eagle this afternoon. Frightened, shifty-eyed suburbanites will nervously clutch their milk and bread and pray they get home before the onslaught begins. I am absolutely convinced that during every snow "storm" 90% of Pittsburghers sit trembling and sheepishly eating small bits of bread at the window, rising only to get some milk to wash it down with, as they wait to die from a few wee flakes. I, for one, never buy either milk or bread. But I know that tonight, I will feel compelled to do so.
2. The leading Grammy nominees are Kanye West and Mariah Carey. Oh, music, what has happened to you? Where have you gone?
3. Speaking of music, Queen (the venerable greatest rock band of all time) is now touring with Paul Rodgers as lead singer. This is extremely vexing. I do not exaggerate when I call myself a Queen Scholar. They were my first favorite band. The first thing I did on my first trip to London at 13-years-old was find the fan club office. I hung out for half that day with Freddie's (at the time) live-in grilfriend. (Yeah, he was bi, and YES he did have a live-in grilfriend. One who was very sweet.) I love them. They are the fab four to me. I have every published piece of Queen music, as well as autographs. I own the vinyl. My great regret: I never got to see them live. You can pretend that there is a better rock singer than Freddie Mercury, but that would be a lame fantasy. So, again, here they are touring sans Freddie. Tickets go one sale for the Pittsburgh show on Saturday. I will go, to be sure, but it will be a bittersweet moment. I will finally see Brian, Roger, and John. But there will be no Freddie. When the concert is over, I will still say that I have never seen Queen live.
4. I have oodles of work that I should be doing instead of writing this treatise on minutiae.
5. My husband has the annoying habit of making me hate everything I used to like. Example: Buffy. First he made fun of me for liking it. Now, he makes me watch it so much that I'm sick of it. He did this with several Metallica and Freddie Mercury's Barcelona albums, and I was forced to ban the playing of these in my presence. Now I've had to do the same with Buffy. I have now banned Buffy in my presnce until February 1, 2006. Spike Doll, however, gets to stay. I got him a little Santa hat. Pictures are forthcoming.
6. The Office (also known as the funniest half-hour on TV right now) is still having trouble getting the ratings. Wake the hell up, people, and watch this show! I need, desperately, for it to continue for a few good seasons. I wait for it all week. Steve Carrell. Dwight Schrute the Beet Farmer. Karate moves. Todd F. Packer's mistletoe pants. What more do you need? How much must I GIVE? GOSH!!!!
7. Two words: chapped lips. And with lips like mine, that's a lot of chapping. No amount of grease, salve, ointment, or cream (eeeew to all those words) seems to avert the problem.
8. People who come into my store, pick up a delicate, exquisite piece of raku pottery and say, "Ew, this is ugly." You know what? NO POTTERY FOR YOU! Get out! Ignorant cretins. If owning this store has taught me anything, it's that there's a real good reason you can't find art in the 'burbs. Thank heaven for the enlightened souls who see beauty in that which is born of earth, formed by human hands, and baptized in fire. You know, cause then it makes a nice potpourri holder.
9. This store is opening in the same plaza as my store. Note the similar front-page pictures. While I believe it is their right to be in this business, I wish like hell it wasn't going in two doors down from me. Try to imagine the sorts of folks I will see in the lot. I really want to kick my landlord's ass for this.
10. I canot find a decent box of Chritsmas cards to save my soul. Call me wacky, but I want my cards to say "Merry Christmas." (Not "Let it Snow" or "Season's Greetings") I also want them to look pretty. I was even willing to buy the expensive Hallmarks, and so far, I've come up empty. I'd better find some tonight.
1. The Pittsburgh area is currently expecting 3-7 inches of snow to accumulate this evening, and the local news stations are acting as though we are about to endure something apocalyptic. Need I remind you people that this is Pittsburgh, and this is winter, and this is what we DO in Pittsburgh during the winter? We're used to this! Come on! Grow a pair! Furthermore, I fully expect to encounter massive lines at the local Giant Eagle this afternoon. Frightened, shifty-eyed suburbanites will nervously clutch their milk and bread and pray they get home before the onslaught begins. I am absolutely convinced that during every snow "storm" 90% of Pittsburghers sit trembling and sheepishly eating small bits of bread at the window, rising only to get some milk to wash it down with, as they wait to die from a few wee flakes. I, for one, never buy either milk or bread. But I know that tonight, I will feel compelled to do so.
2. The leading Grammy nominees are Kanye West and Mariah Carey. Oh, music, what has happened to you? Where have you gone?
3. Speaking of music, Queen (the venerable greatest rock band of all time) is now touring with Paul Rodgers as lead singer. This is extremely vexing. I do not exaggerate when I call myself a Queen Scholar. They were my first favorite band. The first thing I did on my first trip to London at 13-years-old was find the fan club office. I hung out for half that day with Freddie's (at the time) live-in grilfriend. (Yeah, he was bi, and YES he did have a live-in grilfriend. One who was very sweet.) I love them. They are the fab four to me. I have every published piece of Queen music, as well as autographs. I own the vinyl. My great regret: I never got to see them live. You can pretend that there is a better rock singer than Freddie Mercury, but that would be a lame fantasy. So, again, here they are touring sans Freddie. Tickets go one sale for the Pittsburgh show on Saturday. I will go, to be sure, but it will be a bittersweet moment. I will finally see Brian, Roger, and John. But there will be no Freddie. When the concert is over, I will still say that I have never seen Queen live.
4. I have oodles of work that I should be doing instead of writing this treatise on minutiae.
5. My husband has the annoying habit of making me hate everything I used to like. Example: Buffy. First he made fun of me for liking it. Now, he makes me watch it so much that I'm sick of it. He did this with several Metallica and Freddie Mercury's Barcelona albums, and I was forced to ban the playing of these in my presence. Now I've had to do the same with Buffy. I have now banned Buffy in my presnce until February 1, 2006. Spike Doll, however, gets to stay. I got him a little Santa hat. Pictures are forthcoming.
6. The Office (also known as the funniest half-hour on TV right now) is still having trouble getting the ratings. Wake the hell up, people, and watch this show! I need, desperately, for it to continue for a few good seasons. I wait for it all week. Steve Carrell. Dwight Schrute the Beet Farmer. Karate moves. Todd F. Packer's mistletoe pants. What more do you need? How much must I GIVE? GOSH!!!!
7. Two words: chapped lips. And with lips like mine, that's a lot of chapping. No amount of grease, salve, ointment, or cream (eeeew to all those words) seems to avert the problem.
8. People who come into my store, pick up a delicate, exquisite piece of raku pottery and say, "Ew, this is ugly." You know what? NO POTTERY FOR YOU! Get out! Ignorant cretins. If owning this store has taught me anything, it's that there's a real good reason you can't find art in the 'burbs. Thank heaven for the enlightened souls who see beauty in that which is born of earth, formed by human hands, and baptized in fire. You know, cause then it makes a nice potpourri holder.
9. This store is opening in the same plaza as my store. Note the similar front-page pictures. While I believe it is their right to be in this business, I wish like hell it wasn't going in two doors down from me. Try to imagine the sorts of folks I will see in the lot. I really want to kick my landlord's ass for this.
10. I canot find a decent box of Chritsmas cards to save my soul. Call me wacky, but I want my cards to say "Merry Christmas." (Not "Let it Snow" or "Season's Greetings") I also want them to look pretty. I was even willing to buy the expensive Hallmarks, and so far, I've come up empty. I'd better find some tonight.
posted by Kristine at 10:39 AM
12 Comments:
For #9, I have an idea!!! When people go in to buy guns & ammo, invite them to come in and buy TARGET PLATES!!!
Say "Hey, yinz! These here plates shatter real good an' they make a cool sound when you shoot'em!"
*ducks*
And I, inventor of the "list", am sitting here thrilled that we are going to get a butt-load of snow! I love big snow storms! YEAH, BABY!!!
I hope your husband never takes to wine then, for your sake. ;)
I wish my wife would decide to play Metallica until I get sick of them... which would never happen. My wife, who is a wonderful woman, has the worst taste in music of anyone in the world. (Phish, Dashboard Confessional, Clay Aiken, and it just gets worse and worse and worse)
I love Queen, too... but my Queen collection is sporadic and small. Queen without Freddy Mercury is like The Jimi Hendrix Experience with a different guitar player. What's the point?
Freddy's girlfriend was "Mary," right? I was under the impression that she was the love of his life. When he died was the last time I shed tears over a celebrity.
NH, I am totally up for this snow. I laugh in it's face and drive away confidently in my new... Jeep... Wrangler!!!!!
Darrell, YES! Mary was Freddie's great love. After they broke up, they remained the best of friends, and I did get to hang out with her for several hours back in the eighties. She was so nice to me. I was waiting around the fan club office (which was also the band's business office) because she said that Roger Taylor (he was always my fave because I am a drummer) was expected that day and that I was free to hang out. She showed me everything: Objects of worship - one of Brian May's guitars (touched it), drumsticks and doo dads, and some of their personal photo albums. Roger never showed, but I had a great experience.
Metallica. Rocks.
I'm sorry about Wendy's taste. haha Especially the Clay Aiken, which is truly astonishing. I like some pretty odd stuff myself, and I think I'll have to write a real post about it soon.
For #1, you forgot the toilet paper. Milk, bread, and toilet paper ... that's what gets you through a snowstorm! I think the tp is key because they need the extra wipeage as every quarter inch of snow makes them crap their pants more and more.
#6 - Amen sister. I love this show and am so sad to hear it's still suffering in the ratings. May I tell you how much I loved Dwight's kung-fu psyche-up dance in the stairwell when he was going to ask for a raise?
In my defense, I am terribly, TERRIBLY ashamed of the fact that I like Meatloaf. I can't help it, though. Something about the bombastic rock just does it for me.
Kelly, the Dwight Kung Fu dance could me through any storm. ha ha ha
Wendy, it may interest you to know that I voted for Clay 27 times at the finale of American Idol. I loved him back then, but I thought he got creepy pretty quickly. I still think he should have won.
Darrell, I used to love Meatloaf, before I became a vegetarian. I suppose the one thing I'll miss is Paradise By the Dashboard Light. Luckily, I'm still willing to do it for karaoke. LOL
Here's a funny: my husband once sold Meatloaf a radio-controlled car at Radio Shack. Mr. Loaf came in to his store before a concert in Johnstown, PA, and bought RC cars for a bunch of his crew.
I am SO glad I read all the comments tonight---I'm still twitching over the Clay Aiken/Meatloaf shocker. As a mighty mighty Meatloaf/Jim Steinman fan, I feel I'm in great company. I've never actually heard Clay Aiken but I have unfortunately already formed a rigid opinion about him based on my being a crabbyass old lady who loves that Darrell-identified bombastic rock. And I have 3 drummers, 2 guitar players, a piano player and 2 singers in my immediate family, all of whom would just want to touch you (respectfully)because when you were 13 you were in the vicinity of the Queen fan club.
For the great Queen experiance alone, I am willing to be touched respectfully. I will also allow myself to be touched disrespectfully, as long as the duration is very short.
*experience*
And that from the spelling Nazi. It was just a typo, I swear it.
Can't wait to see Santa Spike, btw.
Maybe I'll start watching the Office when it moves to Thursdays. Maybe Thursday will become a good tv night again....
1. It wouldn't be Summer without snow. Therefore, I will make a snowman.
2. Music decided to pack it's bag and move to the land of Corporate America. I think it needs a gross demotion.
3. I believe Queen lives in the spirit of the music. Freddie is not dead. He is living in Brian's guitar.
4. I had to look up "minutiae" and I must say I don't think this blog is trivial. Thank you dictionary.com.
5. I just got divorced, nuff said.
6. I will make it a point to seek out this comedy as a result of this post.
7. I have them too. Remedy - Vasoline, overnight.
8. What can I say, some people don't like pottery. I'm not one of them.
9. "name hidden"'s comment? I chuckled, I'll admit it.
10. Make your own cards. It shows people your crafty, witty and you'll have to like them; because YOU made them. - problem solved.
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